Monday, September 23, 2013

The Five Word Review!

My disdain for 'Modern Hollywood' isn't really a big secret. Ask anyone who has ever brought up the subjects of movies to me and they can tell you how I feel.

To be honest, I think Hollywood is a vast wasteland of empty ideas and unending retreads. The worst part being, the assembly line, cookie cutter, manner in which these things are made and the astronomical amounts of money, some the GDP of a small nation, spent to ensure we put our rears in the seats.

That said, I still continue to frequent the movie house.

Sometimes it's because a friend or loved one is interested in seeing something. Other times, it's because something actually grabs my attention and I want to go see if there's any substance there or just a small nation's GDP being put to devious use.

In the past nine or so months, I've been averaging about a movie a month. Again, some weren't my choice, but others were. Now, usually, I'll put a little 'review' of the most recent movie I've seen up on my other blog, but then got to thinking.....why do a whole post about one movie when just a few words will do?

With that in mind, I give you some Five Word Reviews.

1. Hansel and Gretel: Save Van Helsing.

2. G.I. Joe: Retaliation: Still liked the first better.

3. Olympus Has Fallen: Two hours down the drain.

4. Man of Steel:  Still good...even with Costner.

5. The Lone Ranger: Just need one word.....terrible.

6. Oz the Great and Powerful: Truly entertaining and no singing!

7. R.I.P.D: Fun flick, Reynolds still sucks.

8. The Wolverine: A big disappointment...'nuff said!

So, how many of these have you seen? Would your thoughts echo mine....even in this diminished format?

Hope you all have a great week!


Nick Wilford said...

Those are great! Hope you're tweeting them too. :) Overall though it doesn't present a great image of Hollywood. I haven't seen any of those, and the cinema tends to be a big excursion for us with all the kids, but have I missed much? Hmmm...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I've seen most of them! I average three movies a week. (Scary, hun?) Sorry, Van Helsing was one of the worst films I've ever seen. I don't care if my Kate was in it - never watching it again.
I did avoid Lone Ranger. That one looked awful.

Mark Means said...

@Nick: I will now, Nick, thanks :) Actually, no, you haven't missed much...sad to say.

@Alex: You'd get along well with my wife and her sister....they LOVE going to the movies, so it's not -too- scary :) Aww...I enjoyed Van Helsing, but I can understand when people say they hated it, lol...I think I went in with zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. That and I'm a sucker for the old Universal Monsters. Hey, at least you steered clear of the Lone Ranger....I'll give you props for that :D

L. Diane Wolfe said...

i liked the fact there was no singing in Oz. Musicals drive me bonkers. People don't just break out into song in real life!

Julie Luek said...

Just reading these made me laugh. I rarely go to the movies-- one, because we live in Remote, USA and get movies really late, and two, because most don't appeal to me. I may have to rent Oz (I on the other hand, love musicals usually). I'm a total chick-flick gal though when it comes to movies.

Sheena-kay Graham said...

Saw Hansel and Gretel and I actually enjoyed it. Some movies rock and others are either more in the middle or just sucked.

Mark Means said...

@Diane: Yeah, not a big fan of musicals either :)

@Julie: You won't be disappointed in Oz, I'd wager and I know what you mean about most movies not being very appealing. :)

@Sheena: I was a little put off by Hansel and Gretel's liberal use of the "F" bomb. While it wasn't terrible, it was still disappointing, to me. I know what you mean, though :)

Brandon Ax said...

Movies are huge for me so I go when I can. I didn't even go the Lone Ranger so I dodged that one. I kind of liked H & G and G.I. Joe R, they were sort of mind numbing but fun to watch.

I think my MoS opinion is clear already lol.

OHF was kind of generic.

Oh and Oz had my Mila Kunis so we were good with each other from the start.

Julie said...

Saw bits and pieces of H & G. Couldn't get into it. Saw RIPD last night and fell asleep before half way thru it. The rest, haven't seen-really wasn't interested. Well, maybe except Oz now that you've reviewed it. I feel the same as you about Hollywood. Especially the "in" actors these days. Where exactly do they get these people from? In my opinion, send most of them back!

Maurice Mitchell said...

My favorite is "Still good...even with Costner" Mark. We just can't forget Waterworld...

Tara Tyler said...

i hope you make this a regular thing, and if it is, sorry i'm late!!
loved it!!

ripd it is! wanted to see it this summer!

Melanie Schulz said...

I love the idea of a 5 word review- short, sweet, and to the point.

Mark Means said...

@Brandon: Of the whole list, I thought Olympus Has Fallen was the weakest offering, for sure. At least you dodged the tarnished silver bullet that was The Lone Ranger, though :)

@Julie: So, I'm guessing you didn't find RIPD all that enthralling...or were just really tired :) Totally agree...the 'in' actors are, usually, 'out' with me :)

@Maurice: I think you're hard as we may try! :)

@Tara: Haha, no, it's totally new and I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I'll do more in the future.

@Melanie: Thanks and glad you liked them :D

S.P. Bowers said...

Love the five word reviews! I haven't seen any of those. We generally only get to kids movies now, and not very many of those. Keep doing these reviews though. It's nice to know which movies I don't have to regret not seeing.

klahanie said...

Hey Mark,

I'm going to have to take your word on these reviews. The last time I went to the movies, some guy was playing a piano at the front of the theatre or theater!

I do however know that "The 'Groan' Ranger" got terrible reviews in the UK.

Gary :)

Julie Flanders said...

Love these, what a great idea. I used to love movies and go all the time but in the past few years my interest has waned, for the reasons you mention.

However the "no singing" part about Oz definitely piqued my interest LOL. I kind of hate musicals.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I love your five word reviews. The only one I saw was Man of Steele. I only go to the movies if my children insist (they're all grown up) I go with them. Probably so I'll pay.
I might rent a few you have listed.

Mark Means said...

@S.P: Thank you and I'll do more in the future. Honestly, I don't get to the movies that much, these days, was just a busy 'movie' year this year :)

@Gary: LOL! Well, if there was a guy playing piano, it was probably a good movie! The current crop of films is nothing to write home about. Haha....Groan Ranger, indeed :)

@Julie: Agreed...I'm not big on musicals, either :)

@Susan: Thank you very much and make your kids pay, once in a while, lol :)

Melissa said...

I love your 5-word reviews. :)

Tyrean Martinson said...

Loved the snarky five word reviews . . . even if I didn't agree with all of them. :) I found Wolverine fun, but yes, disappointing. Hansel and Gretel - good enough to watch in flight (not sure otherwise). Oz - wonderful, although I like singing. :)
Man of Steel - Lois rocks, Superman over-punches. Sorry that last punchfest was a bit much for me.
But so it goes. I like movies, even when they aren't the best. Why? Because then we can hash them over in convo afterwards.

Empty Nest Insider said...

Great 5 word reviews Mark! I also love to see movies, but I haven't seen any on your list. I'd like to see Man of Steel when it comes on TV. We recently saw The Butler and The Prisoner. If you get a chance to see them, I'd enjoy reading your 5 word reviews!


Mark Means said...

@Melissa: Thank you! :)

@Tyrean: Haha, thank you and no always, your mileage may vary when it comes to my nitpicky reviews :) Yes, it is fun to compare notes, though, afterwards.

@Julie: Thank you and if I get a chance to catch those two, I'll definitely do a quick FWR on them :)

Jack said...

I second your thoughts on almost all of those movies. (I haven't seen Oz yet but I want to. And Sometime I'm going to have an X-men marathon and watch all of the movies since I've only seen the first too.)
But, I agree with G.I Joe and The Lone Ranger especially. Those two I was disappointed I'd paid money on.

Carol Kilgore said...

I haven't seen any of these yet. But I want to make sure I do see Man of Steel. It's on my list.

My kind of review, btw :)

randi lee said...

Awesome reviews! You definitely summed up the ones I've seen!!

Pk Hrezo said...

I miss going to the movies. Used to go all the time in my 20s. I just dont have the time anymore, unless it's a really epic one that must be seen on the big screen.
I agree with most of your reviews, altho I thought Oz was terrible too. Most of them I havent seen cuz the trailer just didnt interest me. I agree they seem to preoccupied on effects than story, and I wonder what the next few generations will be like because of it. I mean, we're already an instant gratification society with little substance. Could it get even worse?? I suppose when it comes to entertainment, it will shift in some way to virtual reality interactive stories. (which could be cool!)

Annalisa Crawford said...

Great reviews. I saw Man of Steel and Wolverine close together. Loved Man of Steel because I'm a Superman girl (not sure about the Batman thing though), and Wolverine had semi-naked Hugh Jackman... nuff said (perhaps you have to be female to appreciate the film properly!)

Manzanita said...

For not being a Hollywood man, you got me beat all to heck. I've never seen one of the movies. I don't watch TV either. What do I do? Geez, I think I must be boring. I used to love movies, absolutely nutty about them. But as you said in the beginning of your post.... I just don't think they're worth the drive to the theater. I appreciate the reviews. Does not sound like I'm missing anything. LOL

Christine Rains said...

Love these five word reviews! I agree with you on your assessments too. I watched Iron Man 3 on Friday. Clever Stark snark kicks butt. Maybe I'm not so great at the five word thing! *LOL*

Ella said...

I have seen three on your list and I agree! Great job with the five word reviews- I love that number and you really brought it!

Arlee Bird said...

This is the way I feel about movies these days. I watch a couple each week and am disappointed about 70% of the time. My favorites are the older movies pre 1960 or so.

I've only seen #2 and 3 on your list. Olympus was okay dumb fun and my wife and I enjoyed it. Retaliation was quieter and more focused that I remember the first GI Joe being, but still I thought it was a disappointing mess. I hate these movies that are all over the place and try to overwhelm us with effects.

Tossing It Out

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